Best Practices

Receiving Feedback: The Real Leadership Skill

Discover why receiving feedback is a leadership super skill. Learn how to stay open, build trust, and create a culture where honest feedback thrives.

Matthias Ehrhardt

27 Jun 2025 — 3 min read

When it comes to feedback, giving it is often not the hardest part. Receiving feedback – that’s the real leadership moment.

Everyone’s talking about how to give feedback. It’s on every leadership agenda, in every coaching session, at the heart of every management book. But here’s the thing many people miss: The other side – receiving feedback – is just as important. Often more.

Giving feedback is visible. It’s something you do.
Receiving feedback is quiet. It’s something you hold.

It’s what happens inside you in that sharp, uncomfortable moment when someone says: "Can I give you some feedback?"

That’s where leadership shows up.

Many don’t know how to receive feedback well. They freeze. They defend. They politely collapse. They scramble to explain.

We’ve worked with many leaders across industries, cultures, and levels. And here’s what we’ve often seen:
Many don’t know how to receive feedback well. They freeze. They defend. They politely collapse. They scramble to explain.

Not because they don’t want to grow.
But because it’s hard to hold feedback without losing yourself in the moment.

When feedback lands, it often triggers a tightening in the gut, a surge of adrenaline, that quiet internal voice: “But wait – let me explain…”

And here’s the danger:
The minute you start defending, the feedback usually stops.
Not because the other person is convinced. But because they no longer feel safe offering it.

Receiving feedback is a muscle. If you don’t build it, people stop bringing you the real stuff.

Ashwani Lohani, former CEO of Air India, said it best:

“You can hurt me with the truth, but do not comfort me with a lie.”

That’s what people want to give you: the truth. But they will only offer it if you show you can hold it.

When you receive feedback well, you give people permission to keep being honest with you.
You make it safer and easier for them to come back next time.

“You can hurt me with the truth, but do not comfort me with a lie.”

- Ashwani Lohani, former CEO of Air India

They’ll bring you even more feedback and insights that help you stretch, improve, and lead better.

They’ll bring you the moments that actually move you forward.

Leadership lives in that choice: Will you be the Seeker or the Defender?

We see two kinds of leaders again and again.

The Seeker invites feedback. They stay open. They show gratitude. And feedback keeps flowing to them.

The Defender justifies. Explains. Pushes back.
Slowly, feedback dries up. People stop bringing them the sharp edges.

Leadership lives in that choice: Will you be the Seeker or the Defender?

The three things great leaders do well

Great leaders typically do three things well.

1. They know the first reaction sets the tone.
When someone gives you feedback, your first move isn’t to agree or disagree.
It’s to listen – fully.
Hold the moment. Let it land. Ask a question if you need clarity. But don’t rush to fix, explain, or solve.

The best first response?
"Thank you for telling me."
Nothing more. Nothing less.

2. They separate feedback from identity.
Feedback isn’t a verdict on who you are. It’s data on what you’ve done – or what’s been perceived.

Leaders who receive feedback well typically create a quiet internal pause: “This is about my work, not my worth.”
That mindset unlocks learning.

3. They reflect – then respond.
You don’t have to react on the spot. You can sit with feedback.
Often, the most useful leadership move is to come back a day later and say:
"I’ve thought about what you said. Here’s what I’m taking from it. Here’s what I’ll try."

This shows the feedback mattered. It wasn’t brushed off. It wasn’t drowned in immediate emotion.

Coach’s Corner: What We See in Strong Feedback Receivers

They stay with the moment. They don’t escape through defensiveness or over-apologizing.
They say thank you. Clearly. Sincerely.
They stay curious. Even when it stings.
And most importantly? They build a culture where people are willing to tell them the truth – not just what’s comfortable.